My feelings
come in now because my mind is just this spangled mass of thoughts. I ache
every day since the last day I saw you. I look out for people and I compare
them with you. All the time I think, ”he walks just like you do,” or “he
carries a bag just like you do,” and “he talks just like you do.” I am so very
afraid that someone else is going to fall for you, hard, just like I have.
Maybe even harder. And what would be worse? You fall too. You think they’re
right for you. The stupidest thing of all is that I cling on to this image of
you because I actually don’t really have anyone else. Everyone has that one closest friend they tell everything to. I don’t. Because right from start, before
school started, I told myself I wouldn't need one. You’re like this treasure
chest, this blank canvas that I pour my heart into. All my accumulated feelings
of falling in love and being deeply enigmatic, I channel them to you and I long
for them to be kept with you, tightly sealed in you, this vessel. Most of the
time I am so very sure “you” are this image I paint with my memories which I address.
It’s so frustrating, it aches, I can’t even explain this strange phenomena.
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