You ask why I'm so quiet.
Maybe you think, "I don't want you to look at me and think of my dad dying."
But I can't ok. Pretending is what I claim to do but in circumstances like these I just can't. I 'd rather be silent than engage in small, banal talk.
I know you hate it and you think I'm pitying you but I'm not. I'm not. All there is, is guilt. That's it. I've left people way too many times, and I'm not going to leave you. I'm trying hard to make it up to you, to be there for you. I'm learning.
What breaks my heart the most is imagining you cry yourself to sleep. Out of everything that's what I think of the most. And again, guilt. Because I couldn't be there for you at such a point in time. But I am not your pity party.
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