Hell.

The past week has been ultimate hell. I actually thought Monday would turn out good, but it ended in tears and swearing and in a span of 5 days I have come to realize where my faith lies in such extreme circumstances. The series of events have taken an incredibly huge toll on me and I am exhausted, I really, truly am. I know it was selfish of me to think that God must hate me, because all these are just trials and he is testing me for a better good. But I cannot see where this is going. I have been doing so badly in class, my focus has dwindled, everything has been so affected badly and I really don't know what to do. I know that with such a tribulation I should be thankful because it is supposed to bring me closer to God, but I am just so angry and sad and tired. I don't know what to do anymore. I am furious at myself and I am lost. There is nobody to blame but myself, and every event that turns out that seems to shine with a glimmer of hope eventually comes along with a new set of problems, why is this happening? I honestly feel so helpless every single day, I'm too exhausted to fight anymore, I think I am just going to give up and I just want this nightmare to end.