Didn't think to update, but I'll start.
Brief happiness last Friday when I finally had a reunion with my DPA mates. It was just a talk, but we made use of it to catch up. I swear my heart was just bursting with joy when I looked around the lecture room and I remembered the very first day we were sitting in that room, quiet and shy and unspeaking. Oh, how different it was from Friday- we were all so very excited to see each other together after months and Mo exclaimed, "woah...everybody changed so much!" Yes they all did. (we all remember when Mo tricked us all into thinking she was a guy until someone pointed out she was wearing a bra a week later). I felt like a proud mom hahaha.
I'm glad not everyone rushed off, we stayed and talked and took photos. I'd forgotten how much I missed them all,  a special kind of searing kind of miss. Warm laughter all around and teasing and jostling and faces and real-ness. So much hope and warmth and tender care, symbols that showed we all shared a special friendship that would never break, no matter how many more friends we all made or ventured off to find ourselves, my dpa mates hold solace.

A break from the uneasiness.

I wonder how you're doing, Nat. I want to text you every single day, but I know I have to give you space as well. I'm trying. I don't know what to do except give a listening ear should you need it, a hug should you silently ask for one, and full fledged understanding. I'll try. I promised I would. I miss you, I really do. Funny how we didn't see each other for 6 weeks and only now I'm saying I miss you. I'm so afraid you might never smile again, although you always have a serious face on, I worry sick you may never laugh again. I want to be there for you and I hope you understand that I am trying to understand.

It'll be okay.