Tomorrow the Battle starts.

And it will determine my future.




















p.s (melodramatic much?haha)

Physics sucks

Ok,not really ah, but the practical sucked. So we had  one and a half  hours right, and I took about  1 hr to figure out physics, I had no bloody idea, i swear, no idea at all what they were asking.
It was only towards eleven  when i panicked a little, and it didn't help at all that the lab was extremely stuffy, I was fanning myself and trying to hint to the invigilator to switch on the stupid fan for goodness sake!

Thankfully I managed to hastily draw my graph and I must say, out of all the physics practicals I've  done, it was the best looking graph I had ever drawn, and it was nearly  perfect if I say  so myself, i got a rather beautiful best-fit line.
Then I had to rush on to chemistry with only 30 minutes left, i was so engrossed with underlining the key points that I almost shit a brick and really nearly gave up when the invigilator called out that we had 15 minutes left.I did everything literally in a hot mess, sweating balls and swearing ten fold in my head. My bench was strewn with acid,pipettes,sticks, damp litmus paper and  aluminium foil, i didn't know where to put my test tubes, i burnt the test tube holder and nearly spilled  hot acid on the invigilator who was standing in front of me, God knows for what, probably to tsk disapprovingly at my disastrously messy bench.
I didn't finish writing my conclusions, but so what, i always fail chem prac anyway. At least I have hope for physics. Some didn't even finish the graph, and that's like one third of the marks.

Then we were quarantined for three hours blah blah blah.

By the way, I finally graduated, but the feeling is neutral, shared mutual by my classmates since we still have to come back to school and all. And what we came back on Monday for Literature and all Mr Gazelles did was to read out the poem he'd given us last week, eh come on lah we can read the poem ourselves right -.-

Yes ok my olevels starts on monday and is spanning for three weeks, i know on the last week nobody's gonna study since it's only science mcq and for those retaking Mother tongue( like me) then yes we have to come back too.Somehow I don't feel as stressed as I think I should be, and the thought worries me. Waaaaah why can't I be stressed like the smart kids,
and why are you doing this

I WANT THIS TO END

I have a to-do list which I have yet to fulfill

Tomorrow is my o level prac, which i know, who cares, nobody does lol.

But next week-next week is the official start of my o level written papers.
My best friend reckons I don't have a reason to be worried at all,since I have a place in a poly already and all.In fact, everyone thinks that. Sigh. It doesn't go that way; earning a place still means I have to deserve my spot and prove that I want this enough to work hard, or even harder.

I am not a hard worker, I can tell you that. But I know enough to know that in these few days, it can mean my life will change. Everything is in my hands, only I can do this, with Allah's help.

I am so very grateful to Mr Tan w.b for not giving up on me once. We built a good rapport last year because I was in the school's netball team and all, and he'd ask me how our matches went (also because his wife is the Netball coach of North Vista's team, and used to be team-mates with my netball teacher)
I can tell you that for the two years that i've been taking physics, I have never passed. It was almost always an F9 or E8. Even when I dropped from Pure to Combined, I didn't improve much. The best I got was D7 for my prelim one this year. For my second prelim, I plunged two grades to a stupid, horrible F9. I was back to square one. I was the lowest in class whereas everybody else improved. Mr Tan indirectly hinted that "there are certain people who I think I cannot help anymore." I knew it was me.

But he talked to me. He said, " I'm not giving up on you, iiman. I have every believe that you have the potential to do so much better.Increase your intensity this time."
I did. For my mock paper 2,i got a B3. And it was a past year o level  paper. Can you believe it? I still can't.From an F9 to a B3. Because Mr Tan didn't give up on me.

Yesterday after my physics remedial in the morning, I was studying in the canteen with Afiqah. MrTan was going home in his car. When he drove past us, he rolled down the window, pointed to me and called out that I had improved tremendously. I couldn't stop smiling. He will probably be one of the few reasons I will come back to this  school as alumni.

Some people have real problems

I hate feeling selfish when other people out there have way more problems then I do.
Hate being ungrateful

Anyway, i'm just sick of it all

I don't owe anyone anything

but I'm still going to write this heheh
Well let me see where do I begin.Ok remember the forced-to-buy-class-tee I was so upset and ranting about?

It got banned.


Like,I mean I know right-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH
In your face,cocky fags(as Nat so aptly put it).It got banned! haahahaahahha
Because of some unacceptable logo and because our my teacher was upset about not giving apparent permission to print it a certain way and because the HOD saw it so yeah.I just have to say it again-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Like bloody hell,who was the one who made everyone buy the stupid thing.

So it went like this-the HOD or DM or smtg had a talk with us,threatening suspension to anyone who wears the shirt in school with the offensive logo,so the arrangement was thus-we had to reprint over the logo.
And that's what we did,so now it's ugly.Er

So people like Afiqah didn't want to get it reprinted,cos they're so badass ba dum tss

Yeah and other stuff and oh did i tell you how i cannot wait to graduate,because I cannot wait to graduate.

yes that's it that's it to a very abrupt post, my thoughts have somehow been halted

Don't tell me if you can or cannot. Tell me whether you Want to or not.

I am a disappointment to myself and the people around me. For instance, my Mother Tongue results.While everyone else got a B something,even an A (Zah,Fuzzy) I was  the only one stuck at the bottom with a friggin C. Cancel that! I wasn't even stuck at the  bottom-I was hovering between a B3 and a B4 and then I sunk to a C5. Am I upset. So very upset.
I suppose I was complacent, or just illogical in my writing. I mean come on, the e-mail required problems caused by teenagers in the estate and I gave some bullshit problem that the teenagers burned some stuff and used my clothes to  put out the fire.
Looking back, that was such a stupid problem!

In some ways I am glad everyone else was preoccupied in their scores and tearing and wailing and wallowing in self pity. So none of them would look straight in my eyes and know how embarrassed I felt. Save for Dannia,who gave me  an incredulous look when I told her my score. She didn't believe it. She went to check my score again, and when she came back,she stood right across me, stared at me for a while,before pulling me into a great big hug. It took me all I had to not cry.

I mean, Dannia? Of all people? The coldest,most non- touchy, tomboy-ish person gave me a hug. I will never forget that small yet significant act.

So I guess I'm retaking. The worst feeling is having disappointed my parents and my teacher. Now every time I see Cikgu Janisah I avert my gaze and look down,avoiding her, because I am so,so ashamed.
Learn from my mistakes. I may not be up to that standard to get a distinction,but I MUST get a B now. No more stupid sounding situations.I have to do this.

Okay,on to good news:) While that hype happened just last Friday,something wonderful happened on the same day and omggg I am too excited I cannot contain my excitement-

I HAVE A GUARANTEED PLACE IN REPUBLIC POLYTECHNIC!!!

Alhamdulillah!

That means I don't have to do too exceptionally well-I have to obtain an aggregate of not more than 26 points, get better that B4 in English, and PASS MY FRIGGIN MATHS.I can I can I can do this.


Oh yeah some big head in my class,the hypocrite and whatever I ranted about 2 posts ago had to go say something like,"huhhh??? RP?RP???" I just kept  quiet while Tamara defended me<3 but yeah, uuurrrghh he is the MAIN reason I hate my class you know,seriously/
I'll be the big fish in the small pond, mark my words you carrot head



Aaaaaand... Hafeezhah got into Temasek Polytechnic! So Subhanallah it has been double berkat for her, an A1 in malay and a place in Law&Management in Temasek poly. Gosh,already I am SO proud for her,imagine how her parents must feel!

Yes,and I was so caught up in writing something that's nigging my mind that I didn't think to put something a little light hearted.

Ok, STILL about the class t shirt, I was upset because everyone was expected to chalk up 22 friggin bucks!for a T-shirt! That we'll  probably only wear ONCE!
Forgive me if I sound cheap and whiny, but I promise,I am not. I just think it's stupid and blah blah,I;ve already said that.
Yeah I mean all the wealthy ones in my class can afford a 22 dollar shirt,but i' can't okay!And they had to make it compulsory

Afiqah was thoroughly upset as well, because she's saving up for something important, but nevertheless...sigh. I hate my class.

To prove our point,we changed a few of our dollars into coins.Like the really small coins: ten cent coins and five cent coins. Too bad one cent coins don't harbor value anymore,save for staring at.

I told the person collecting that i could only  afford ten bucks this week,and then made sure to take great pains to count out five cent coins and ten cent coins on her table just to add up the sum, while she looked on.

I was worried at first,because the whole class had witnessed her yelling at  my classmate for not bringing his wallet, but she's filthy rich and can have laser hair removal what, so she can help me pay first right okbro.
I told her I'd pay the remaining 12 bucks next week,and she just smiled. But I knew inside she was probably like," BITCH! BIIIIITCHHH!"

And plus a  lot of people didn't pay...? So yeah,you see lah make it compulsory some more ah.

And as for Afiqah,she had to keep recounting her coins,so she ended up spilling all the coins out on the table and having to scoop them up again and count them all over, hahahahah!!!
In your faise class-tshirt-compulsory-makers.


Let's see if you'll wear it to prom night.Guess not. Thought so.