It's nearly 2013, and excuse me for being very cliche.

It seems like january was such a very long time ago. And can you believe it, january will start again in a couple of days time. Some songs make you travel back to a moment that has a special place in your mind, your heart. It's ironic that this particular song is so so happy  but makes me feel sad all the same. I don't want that song to be special anymore,I don't want it to mean a thing to me. So I will keep playing it until i am sick of it. Then that will be it.

No point being angry at nothing

My mother is starting yet another round of Law&Order, but I guess this time it's more worth watching because there are Eames and Goron who are my favourite
haha you have no idea who I'm talking about.

I am really not looking forward to going back to school because that means collecting my results

My mood has really become dampened because all I do at home is laze around like a 3 fingered sloth and do chores reluctantly when my mother yells for me to shake out of my hard-to-get-out-of recline. I read. And read. And read some more. Though it's not really the typical high-school-gossip girl-beauty queen books everyone is so set on reading these days.I've read some old literature which is EONS good. I haven't gotten round to reading the real oldies though because my mother reckons I'm too young (lol i'm sixteen???!!!)I think If I put out the titles here I'd look like a show off so I won't.

Books on racism are pretty good, like the old kinds, like To Kill A Mocking Bird because it raises awareness and I feel they're pretty relevant to this day and age.I went to the Esplanade Library today with  my mom and I loved it because not people go there since it's so difficult to find. I wonder,it could be my new hide out.

So december is here and going to be over as soon as you pull up your pants.
I'm just thinking-about this time last year i was running havoc with the netballers and doing our jumps and passes and working on our shooting and defending skills while showing off (heheh) and perspiring truckloads under the merciless blaze of the sun. So...as of now I don't know whether to be grateful that I don't have to go through all that muscle aching, hamstring pulling,finger spraining, ankle twisting torture again or... reminisce. Damn I really really miss netball. I miss being fit and I miss showing the others that I am able to prove myself for what I'm worth;aggressive, committed and determined.

I think i'm starting to miss the coach screaming at me to buck up and run harder, faster, jump higher. All those times when she made me stick it out and repeat the drills over and over until I perfected them while everyone had their water break and i hated her guts for it, then regretted joining netball, I miss. That sheer adrenaline rush I get before a match-I don't think anything could ever top that. All that shoving,elbowing brutally and cursing under the breath at the oppent, pissing them off, the grasping desperately for the ball  just to attain 3 seconds of self glory-I'd never feel that again.  Heck, i'll even miss the smell of my team-mate's sweat;mingled and sour. I'll miss the weirdest things.

Call me sentimental, but whatever, that's how I am I guess. I can't believe that 4 years ago on a whim I decided to try something different-something out of my comfort zone, hence netball. I'll never forget how I started off as the only muslim girl on the team and I could sense the hostility-everyone else thought I'd quit half way, I was never good enough.They thought I couldn't run as fast or jump as high or throw as hard as them  just because I looked different from them.They were right, I couldn't match up. But 6 months of dedication and hard work- all because of Ms Li who would drag me to a corner and make me repeat every drill until I was perfect- paid off.  Soon I was aggressive, bold, confident. I wasn't the best player, but i was definitely one of the best. I daresay I was an asset to the team, seeing since I never gave up and played Zonals for three years straight. I was never arrogant.

But I am thankful for every chance I was given. and If could play one last good match with my teammates, I'd do it. Unfortunately we're all broken up now, after me and the other sec 4s stood down for O's.

Sigh netball-will I ever find a replacement for the euphoria you give

my windows need cleaning okay

I need to get this phrase out of my head-
"The skin-tight splendour of the the blond bombshells"

All right now we can move on to more insignificant things.

I don't know why I  waited till today to start writing about Y.O.U.R NurNight at Al Mawaddah. which happened last sat/sun by the way and ehem my fav was the dude, Gene Sya Rudyn who looks like a character straight out of  a Roald Dahl book with his dapper look- long hair,scraggly beard,tiny frame and bouncing all over the place.But anyway, he was amazing. My mind is way too expired to go over all of what he said so apologies (sorry not sorry blah blah)I shall not analyze and intepret his insights (you see here I just used a string of literary devices hehe). But I went home feeling blessed and too tired to eat prata yada yada who cares nobody reads this muck anyway.
Aaaand lets's not forget Al Mawlid performing their qasidah and Ya Hanana. Man, the feeling macam woah-everybody chanting and singing and of course I was all alone standing awkwardly in a jubah while everybody gets to lean and cry on their friend's shoulder. Forever awkward in non-awkward situations.

The food was nice.

Ok so this morn I managed to catch up on my lack of prata and over prata and soya bean at some prata shop  and my brother was telling us about this ustazah who downgrades other religions and calls them stupid. So my brother was really enraged with her views and thus refused to do her homework. My brother is  a hell of  a role model. Only I don't think any of my ustazahs in al mawadz are like that so i shall do all my homework only they don't give homework. I am sounding like a ranting idiot.

It's december already weeeooooo nothing to do i need a job yes i doooo

darn aren't i hilarious

I was just thinking

Recently there has been this huge hype over the Israelis fighting the Palastines and yeah.
On twitter everybody has been retweeting -"Free Palestine" and "Pray For Gaza" and all that and I think, yes, it's all very well and good but the thing that's nigging me is that this has been going on for the LONGEST of times. It's been going on for years and years, this fighting and I wonder if people are actually aware of that.

Thanks to my mother who used to sit on the couch with us and tell us about the Israelis, the Zionists, and the fact that there is  no Israel.I knew all this a long time ago.  Starbucks and MacDonalds and Burger King and all that has been owned by the Zionists because they are filthy rich. It's been in our faces this whole time and nobody has bothered to acknowledge it until it starts trending on Twitter or people start sharing it on Facebook. Of course, we are in the face of ignorance, in this era of things.

Not to sound superior, but i sometimes wonder if people retweet and share all these just because everybody else is doing it. Just my thoughts.

I know people who have very strict principles. There are muslims who stoutly refuse to buy or eat anything belonging to the Zionists, such as the restaurant outlets i've mentioned. To be honest, that's pretty much near impossible since these Zionists own so many outlets. So now you're saying you're not giving them business? Heck,they've been feeding on our money all these years.
What they are doing are undeniably despicable. But what use would it be to go on hating and hating and claim,"Oh I SPIT on the Israelis" ? There is no use.
We are muslims and we keep it at that. We use this fighting to bond and appreciate.

Regrettably, lives are being lost, but Allah knows best. Surely Allah loves them.


An amazing read. Will tell you all there is to know

Well hello hello

So...
It's been eleven days after my O levels ended. Oh so sorry I didn't post a celebratory remark to ah, celebrate the end of O's blah blah blah

This is only week two of my rather unproductive holdiay. No jobs, no homework but plain boredom. It's STRESSFUL just thinking about it hahaha -.-

I wonder how my other friends are coping. I remember weeks before the exam, creatures with sunken cheeks, and eye bags on their eye bags on their eye bags staggered into class, drunken from hours of math and social studies and chemistry and physics and bio. You think that's bad? The jokes were scarier.
"Please straighten your desks, class!" The teacher would say
*straightens*
"It's not a parallelogram now!" Two of these creatures would exclaim, only to burst into fits of hoary giggles.

If you'd been in my class, you'd understand the squeamish torture I went through.

Anyway, O levels are overrr and this holiday cannot drag any slower i might die. I've been looking up old movies and immersing myself in more Meg&Dia, I swear they are year end traditions. i don't know anybody else who shares the same feeling I get listening to them;their interpretations of life are brilliant.

So far I've only hung out with the girls twice-followed Nat&Sya for prom dress shopping,not that i'm going, and watched videos at Afiq's house.

I also had some sort of Book Launch on Saturday, the seventeenth, and I missed my Mads Grads for that. It's sad. but whatever bananas are yolo

Tomorrow the Battle starts.

And it will determine my future.




















p.s (melodramatic much?haha)

Physics sucks

Ok,not really ah, but the practical sucked. So we had  one and a half  hours right, and I took about  1 hr to figure out physics, I had no bloody idea, i swear, no idea at all what they were asking.
It was only towards eleven  when i panicked a little, and it didn't help at all that the lab was extremely stuffy, I was fanning myself and trying to hint to the invigilator to switch on the stupid fan for goodness sake!

Thankfully I managed to hastily draw my graph and I must say, out of all the physics practicals I've  done, it was the best looking graph I had ever drawn, and it was nearly  perfect if I say  so myself, i got a rather beautiful best-fit line.
Then I had to rush on to chemistry with only 30 minutes left, i was so engrossed with underlining the key points that I almost shit a brick and really nearly gave up when the invigilator called out that we had 15 minutes left.I did everything literally in a hot mess, sweating balls and swearing ten fold in my head. My bench was strewn with acid,pipettes,sticks, damp litmus paper and  aluminium foil, i didn't know where to put my test tubes, i burnt the test tube holder and nearly spilled  hot acid on the invigilator who was standing in front of me, God knows for what, probably to tsk disapprovingly at my disastrously messy bench.
I didn't finish writing my conclusions, but so what, i always fail chem prac anyway. At least I have hope for physics. Some didn't even finish the graph, and that's like one third of the marks.

Then we were quarantined for three hours blah blah blah.

By the way, I finally graduated, but the feeling is neutral, shared mutual by my classmates since we still have to come back to school and all. And what we came back on Monday for Literature and all Mr Gazelles did was to read out the poem he'd given us last week, eh come on lah we can read the poem ourselves right -.-

Yes ok my olevels starts on monday and is spanning for three weeks, i know on the last week nobody's gonna study since it's only science mcq and for those retaking Mother tongue( like me) then yes we have to come back too.Somehow I don't feel as stressed as I think I should be, and the thought worries me. Waaaaah why can't I be stressed like the smart kids,
and why are you doing this

I WANT THIS TO END

I have a to-do list which I have yet to fulfill

Tomorrow is my o level prac, which i know, who cares, nobody does lol.

But next week-next week is the official start of my o level written papers.
My best friend reckons I don't have a reason to be worried at all,since I have a place in a poly already and all.In fact, everyone thinks that. Sigh. It doesn't go that way; earning a place still means I have to deserve my spot and prove that I want this enough to work hard, or even harder.

I am not a hard worker, I can tell you that. But I know enough to know that in these few days, it can mean my life will change. Everything is in my hands, only I can do this, with Allah's help.

I am so very grateful to Mr Tan w.b for not giving up on me once. We built a good rapport last year because I was in the school's netball team and all, and he'd ask me how our matches went (also because his wife is the Netball coach of North Vista's team, and used to be team-mates with my netball teacher)
I can tell you that for the two years that i've been taking physics, I have never passed. It was almost always an F9 or E8. Even when I dropped from Pure to Combined, I didn't improve much. The best I got was D7 for my prelim one this year. For my second prelim, I plunged two grades to a stupid, horrible F9. I was back to square one. I was the lowest in class whereas everybody else improved. Mr Tan indirectly hinted that "there are certain people who I think I cannot help anymore." I knew it was me.

But he talked to me. He said, " I'm not giving up on you, iiman. I have every believe that you have the potential to do so much better.Increase your intensity this time."
I did. For my mock paper 2,i got a B3. And it was a past year o level  paper. Can you believe it? I still can't.From an F9 to a B3. Because Mr Tan didn't give up on me.

Yesterday after my physics remedial in the morning, I was studying in the canteen with Afiqah. MrTan was going home in his car. When he drove past us, he rolled down the window, pointed to me and called out that I had improved tremendously. I couldn't stop smiling. He will probably be one of the few reasons I will come back to this  school as alumni.

Some people have real problems

I hate feeling selfish when other people out there have way more problems then I do.
Hate being ungrateful

Anyway, i'm just sick of it all

I don't owe anyone anything

but I'm still going to write this heheh
Well let me see where do I begin.Ok remember the forced-to-buy-class-tee I was so upset and ranting about?

It got banned.


Like,I mean I know right-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH
In your face,cocky fags(as Nat so aptly put it).It got banned! haahahaahahha
Because of some unacceptable logo and because our my teacher was upset about not giving apparent permission to print it a certain way and because the HOD saw it so yeah.I just have to say it again-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Like bloody hell,who was the one who made everyone buy the stupid thing.

So it went like this-the HOD or DM or smtg had a talk with us,threatening suspension to anyone who wears the shirt in school with the offensive logo,so the arrangement was thus-we had to reprint over the logo.
And that's what we did,so now it's ugly.Er

So people like Afiqah didn't want to get it reprinted,cos they're so badass ba dum tss

Yeah and other stuff and oh did i tell you how i cannot wait to graduate,because I cannot wait to graduate.

yes that's it that's it to a very abrupt post, my thoughts have somehow been halted

Don't tell me if you can or cannot. Tell me whether you Want to or not.

I am a disappointment to myself and the people around me. For instance, my Mother Tongue results.While everyone else got a B something,even an A (Zah,Fuzzy) I was  the only one stuck at the bottom with a friggin C. Cancel that! I wasn't even stuck at the  bottom-I was hovering between a B3 and a B4 and then I sunk to a C5. Am I upset. So very upset.
I suppose I was complacent, or just illogical in my writing. I mean come on, the e-mail required problems caused by teenagers in the estate and I gave some bullshit problem that the teenagers burned some stuff and used my clothes to  put out the fire.
Looking back, that was such a stupid problem!

In some ways I am glad everyone else was preoccupied in their scores and tearing and wailing and wallowing in self pity. So none of them would look straight in my eyes and know how embarrassed I felt. Save for Dannia,who gave me  an incredulous look when I told her my score. She didn't believe it. She went to check my score again, and when she came back,she stood right across me, stared at me for a while,before pulling me into a great big hug. It took me all I had to not cry.

I mean, Dannia? Of all people? The coldest,most non- touchy, tomboy-ish person gave me a hug. I will never forget that small yet significant act.

So I guess I'm retaking. The worst feeling is having disappointed my parents and my teacher. Now every time I see Cikgu Janisah I avert my gaze and look down,avoiding her, because I am so,so ashamed.
Learn from my mistakes. I may not be up to that standard to get a distinction,but I MUST get a B now. No more stupid sounding situations.I have to do this.

Okay,on to good news:) While that hype happened just last Friday,something wonderful happened on the same day and omggg I am too excited I cannot contain my excitement-

I HAVE A GUARANTEED PLACE IN REPUBLIC POLYTECHNIC!!!

Alhamdulillah!

That means I don't have to do too exceptionally well-I have to obtain an aggregate of not more than 26 points, get better that B4 in English, and PASS MY FRIGGIN MATHS.I can I can I can do this.


Oh yeah some big head in my class,the hypocrite and whatever I ranted about 2 posts ago had to go say something like,"huhhh??? RP?RP???" I just kept  quiet while Tamara defended me<3 but yeah, uuurrrghh he is the MAIN reason I hate my class you know,seriously/
I'll be the big fish in the small pond, mark my words you carrot head



Aaaaaand... Hafeezhah got into Temasek Polytechnic! So Subhanallah it has been double berkat for her, an A1 in malay and a place in Law&Management in Temasek poly. Gosh,already I am SO proud for her,imagine how her parents must feel!

Yes,and I was so caught up in writing something that's nigging my mind that I didn't think to put something a little light hearted.

Ok, STILL about the class t shirt, I was upset because everyone was expected to chalk up 22 friggin bucks!for a T-shirt! That we'll  probably only wear ONCE!
Forgive me if I sound cheap and whiny, but I promise,I am not. I just think it's stupid and blah blah,I;ve already said that.
Yeah I mean all the wealthy ones in my class can afford a 22 dollar shirt,but i' can't okay!And they had to make it compulsory

Afiqah was thoroughly upset as well, because she's saving up for something important, but nevertheless...sigh. I hate my class.

To prove our point,we changed a few of our dollars into coins.Like the really small coins: ten cent coins and five cent coins. Too bad one cent coins don't harbor value anymore,save for staring at.

I told the person collecting that i could only  afford ten bucks this week,and then made sure to take great pains to count out five cent coins and ten cent coins on her table just to add up the sum, while she looked on.

I was worried at first,because the whole class had witnessed her yelling at  my classmate for not bringing his wallet, but she's filthy rich and can have laser hair removal what, so she can help me pay first right okbro.
I told her I'd pay the remaining 12 bucks next week,and she just smiled. But I knew inside she was probably like," BITCH! BIIIIITCHHH!"

And plus a  lot of people didn't pay...? So yeah,you see lah make it compulsory some more ah.

And as for Afiqah,she had to keep recounting her coins,so she ended up spilling all the coins out on the table and having to scoop them up again and count them all over, hahahahah!!!
In your faise class-tshirt-compulsory-makers.


Let's see if you'll wear it to prom night.Guess not. Thought so.

Sick,

In that sense where I'm fed-up with all the hypocrisy going on in my class.

Sick,in that sense where everybody looks on, or away, when one person-alone- is picked on.

Sick,that I don't do anything about it for fear of being an outcast.

I'm fuming because someone made the class tee compulsory to buy. Bigdeal? Perhaps not to you,but to me it signifies a whole lot of ridiculousness:

Somebody talked about having a class tee last year,somebody saw how left out we were as the only class which didn't have anything to wear except for our p.e shirts and uniforms. Somebody designed a normal class t-shirt when we're going to graduate in 2 months time. Seen the ridiculousness of it? No? Then what about this-

Somebody made the pathetic excuse that having a class tee would bond us a class.This is the ultimate bull of all. Bond? Can you be more serious?(not) So what,making a class tshirt will bond us as a class? A mere piece of cloth on our backs,is that truly enough to "bond" us? You shit,do you honestly think that more than a year of hypocrisy and glares and leaving people out,picking on ONE person will be erased,forgotten, BY A MERE T-SHIRT?

Stupid,so stupid beyond anything.

And then somebody charges us a bomb for it,and dares anyone to go against the design. You and your group of friends,with that delusional notion of yours that you are better than every being in the class-makes me want to vomit. You lack moral values,respect for a fellow being
.
Of all people,you should know better. I hope this person that you pick on proves to become more succesful than you in the future. I hope your sheer arrogance comes right up and slucchs you right up.
I hope you and your only friends are the only one who turns up for prom,with all your fellow,guffawing,arrogant cronies and finally see for yourself how isolated you truly are.

Stop lying to yourself,and stop lying to make face and bonus points in front of the teachers. I hope you see how stupid you make the class look-imagine getting a class tee two months before we are due to graduate- and you take the blame for it.

Today was the day

And so the big day came. After an agonizing week of waiting and frantic recovery of published works, rushing to get a referral letter from any teacher,mental preparation, I felt I was ready.

At least I thought I was.

I was okay in the morning. I really was. I saw it as just any  oral examination,minus the picture discussion and reading, and I decided I would treat  the interviewers as my friends.In fact in the morning I was going around asking people,"Who is your favourite hero and what sort of traits do you think a hero should have".etc etc.

Close to 1pm, my palms started to become clammy,my heart was palpitating,and I couldn't concentrate because my stomach was churning a million times over. And then the bell rang.

So there I was, like a soldier sent out to war,clutching my notebook tightly under my arm, teeth gritted, and ready to face the onslaught of what was to come

Ok,exaggeration. I only left early because I wanted to go home and change heheh. But I was making calls to my mom and asking if she was already out of school,and panicking over an un-photocopied certificate,unnecessary fretting over trivial matters.

I was ready by 1.45 and then my mom made me change into a skirt -.- because apparently,"they wouldn't make a good impression" and  then I just had to wear the most ill-fitting uncomfortable shoes which kept coming out as I walked,so then I had to sort of half-limp and waddle everywhere. Good impression huh? Very.

So then I was there like half an hour early, woah. Ok this,I have to admit is a good impression,thanks to my Modo.

This lady with a phillipino accent  ushered me into a really comfy seat which I sank in and wanted to stay there forever. She had to scan some of my best works and certificates and blah, and I only waited all of three minutes before she said the interviewers were ready to see me.

Horrors! This tall lady  came to door and  gave me great big smile,and then she pointed to the other man seated at the table, saying he was the Director.

I think I was the first one to be interviewed. And it went pretty smoothly.I tried to sound all mature and radio like,hahah and then I kind of went on and talked about my career prospects,that I want to be a Journalist,yada yada.They also said I have to pass math!Because it's included in the modules and it's very fundamental. Dampening too :( So now I don't have an excuse to fail math. MUST.PASS.

And then the Number One Major Embarrassment! Remember when I said I was going around asking my classmates about heroes? Well I asked them that!!!! GAAAAAAAAHHH. They were evidently taken back, because then the tables had been turned and I was the one asking THEM questions,and I had my eager face turned on full mode and then they told me  there were other candidates who were waiting. But the Director was nice,he gave me his card so I could email them the questions about Heroes. But by then I wanted to bury my head in some hole and never see daylight again.

At least I walked out with some grace and pride intact when he gave me his card.Some.

So then 15 minutes,and WHOOOP overrrr!!!!!!!!


And now all I have to do is pray. And wait.

Everywhere I sit with whoever I get told off

So yesterday we had Geography and Syaza was showing me something really shocking and I was having  a fit and so I got told off. Whether its with Afiqah or Syaza, I always get told off.

Besides that,I wanted to continue my nondeveloped rant about something I had xdmnbdffkjdflkfdh earlier

We were doing social studies on thursday,and were doing a paper on Globalisation- something about workers being ill treated and committing suicide. I really really expected A.K to sort of give his strong opinions about it,but it seemed as if matching sources proved to be more important. I got a little restless after a while- lives cost over the expense of cheaper iphones were really starting to get to me. But my teacher was more interested in "finding the similarities and differences" rather than focusing on the problem.
I was upset and  a little disappointed because I realised to such extent, the technicality of the subject; so intent in getting the format right, that human distress is entirely overlooked. I felt impatient and couldn't take it, this insouciance of such things

But who am I? Cross referencing and deciding for yourself which source is more reliable,I guess that's pretty important.

And back to Geopgraphy, at least Geography is  a little more humane,for instance this perspective-changing recount my teacher told us. I couldn't stop thinking about it the whole day





Interview in 3 days   :O

Live to provide

Yesterday was the first night class/night study  and i was there with the girls <3
 I felt proud to be a muslim ok,when we were waiting for the Azan in the canteen to break our fast. Then when it came I held up my phone with such proud flourish n_n ehehehe all the kafirs were looking at us,and we were the only table that had people having a full-out meal while everyone else was mugging away.
Later on we looked for a place to pray [except I didn't,I cant :((( ]
And Nat and Afiqah were running across the courtyard, past all the classes in their telekong. HILARIOUS SHET

It was the funniest thing ever,I'm smiling as I write this.

And in calss I was thinking about the political side of things,Ok,more educational,but yeah it seems now I can't bring myself to write it out because I'm too lazy and Iftar is coming

So,

I talked to Mr Gazelles today. I was just asking him about testimonials and reference letters that might help me prepare for my interview next Tuesday.
I swear,his face fell when I told him,"Republic Poly"
He's been sorta condemning RP and their education system,and his face wrinkles up whenever someone mentions that school,but I mean  SO WHAT RIGHT

Besides RP is gorgeous. And no,hor I am not just saying that just because some RP management might read this but whatever lahh

I mean, be it lectures or classroom learning environment, I'm sure I'll adapt to something. And I'm serious ok, about the school being gorgeous. Because it is.

And it's not just Mr Gazelles ah. Yesterday Jun Ren was telling me about some poly related stuff,because we're going on this Learning journey to Nanyang Poly on Friday. And he said something like he wants to go to JC instead (hahah really ah) and then like Mr Gazelles,he was condeming RP and saying it's the last of the five polytechnics blah blah. And I remember I was like, " HAAAAH?? REALLY AH I PUT REPUBLIC AS MY FIRST CHOIC-" yeah then Afiqah shushed me before I made myself the class ass

But I don't care. There's bound to be opposition to the choices I make,and as long as I do what's right and place my faith in Allah,it will all prove to work out in the end

And maybe things aren't all too bad. When Mr Gazelles heard that  the course I applied for was mass communications,his face lit up a little. Or maybe it was just the staff room lighting.
But why go with what people say? At least I got called down. And if I do this, nail this,get this, then O Levels -just like A.K likes to say- can go fly kite.

I shouldn't count the chickens before they hatch,though. From now till the interview,anything can happen. I just don't want to keep my hopes too high. Stay humble:)
I have to get through this.I hope I do.

News?

Any news about my DPA? you bet!
I only just opened my email to find an offer from Republic poly,for mass communications
Alhamdulillah!

I'm on top of the world:)

Hahahaha and to think,that a couple of posts back I had confided about this "nigging feeling" that Republic will ask. Just like Afiqah would say-well what do you know (is that how you say it?It looks funny typed out)

Exploring the "feel" of Ramadhan

The muslims who fast will say that the moment Ramadhan comes round,they have found a sort of 'inner peace' within themselves.
I don't want to get shot or hound down for saying this,but I  was just wondering if having people telling you over and over how peaceful and beautiful Ramdhan is has a sort of thearapeutic effect on a practising muslim.I was thinking, 'The Placebo' effect, like maybe you are so convinced about the beautiful peaceful feel that you truly believe.

And I'm not saying I'm not believing,I was just wondering,because I've seen so many tweets and facebook posts about this feel of Ramadhan.

I mean,I feel it too.It's a great feeling-you submit yourself  to Allah and you're constantly reminded to watch your actions and attitude.You are less distracted. Well at least I am.
For instance,today was pretty productive.
I studied for about an hour and a half straight after sahur.(ok,nevermind that I slept after that and was late for tuition)
And I took a twenty minute to boost myself. By the way three hour naps while fasting just to beat the hunger pangs are a huge no-no.

And I actually studiedso hard ok

aha ahah iftar coming seeya

WHY FRIGGIN WHY

No calls, no texts,no e- mails.
Already four of my classmates who applied for DPA have been called down for an interview.
When will it be my turn?Will they even consider me?

I'm not going to make it,am I?

what

I know maybe I'm not one to judge blahblah but
 it irks me sometimes when tudung-ladies or okayyy,the more glamorous term-Hijab clad women-
 go out wearing tights
Maybe if you're skinny it's okay? Maybe not? But seriously,the concept isn't to just cover- the concept is to COVER.
And yes I know,given the modern times we want to keep up with the West and what, "muslimify" the western clothes ksjschfsd.kcjvjckdn but yeah.Tights don't  go with scarves.Neither do painted on jeans.
Another thing is this couple thing?

I mean do I actually have to explain myself.Women in scarves/hijabs with boyfriends and holding hands and smoking.

So what is that hijab doing sitting on your head? Perhaps It's a fashion accessory.Oh ignore the fact that the fundamental use of the hijab is to protect you  from uncivil acts etc

To sum it up,its like wearing oven mitts to protect you from getting burnt,then putting your hand in a fire anyway.

MY TAKE!

Just my opinion okayyyyyyyy anyway to talk about (bleah) school related stuff, I know two people who have been called down for an interview via DPA. Hafeezhah,who else.But she deserves it anyway.
What if I don't get in? And why do I have this nigging feeling that Republic Poly will ask?
Lolololo prasan-ness. I need to get a call OR an e-mail.I need to get this.

I have my prelim results back (oh joy). At least I passed.25 points is pass right? :B

Bodohness

Lalalalalala

So today A.K was asking the class who applied for DPA. And although I know FRANKLY QUITE  A FEW DID,  no one raised their hands. So then he kinda shrugged and said, "go in based on results,don't need to talk so much"

WAHLAUU

So then Zah looked at me,and we were wagging eyebrows at each other. Obviously we were thinking the same thing- we are soooooo not asking him for a testimonial.
If only Ms Chia were still here.I miss her so much :'(

Why am I wasting time doing this

I have gotten most of my results yadayadayada everyone's talking about oh how bad they were blah blah so I'm gonna skip that shit.

I can't sketch quadratic graphs and every time I ask someone for help no one seems willing.And the questions always change and how the hell is completing a square going to eliminate world hunger.
I'm looking up youtube videos and most of the time I'm laughing at the different accents so actually I'm not going anywhere, not doing anything

I can't wait to go to poly,or at least I hope I get into poly because then I'm just going to do what I love for three friggin years.

I also applied for DPA (hell,like anyone cares) and I applied for mass communications in Republic,Temasek and Ngee Ann.
I was just trying okaaaaaaaayyy.I know Ngee Ann is super duper competitive and  practically everyone wants to go there-horrors I;m getting mainstream now-

Blah blah blah

Today I did nothing except stuff and thinking about things and certain people I really shouldn't be thinking about

Some days I just want to stay on and never get off

I took a nearly long bus ride today.It was great,I sat up front like some little kid on the top deck and felt the ice cold wind blasting from the air-con vents.I loved it.I should do it more often.

Of course the whole feeling feeling shiok sendiri moment was spoilt when some kids sat behind me and started chatting about angry birds. I.Don't.Like.That

But then back to me,(because I'm selfish that way).I started thinking how maybe I probably wouldn't get to enjoy this anymore,especially when I've finished my O's and I know I've screwed up.
I can't screw up.But  know I probably will anyway.

You know sometimes, when you take long journeys like these,you shouldn't think it's an absolute bore,and start taking out your phones to text your friends or listen to music or whatever.
You should look around.Life's more fun that way.People don't realise that. Watch that old lady down the path adjusting her wedgie.Laugh at that young couple arguing.Scoff at some big school boy making his maid carry his loaded school bag for him.Think about what they're talking about,because you can't hear them.
 For those few moments,someone else's lives come alive to you.
You're no longer cooped up in that tragic,hollow shell of yours. All because you care to observe.

And that is why I love long bus rides.Sometimes I never want to get off.

I want to be the best person I could ever be

I can't seem to think of anything remotely interesting that I would want to write about.And I way prefer literally writing.Because.I type.So.Slow

And I am getting boring-er now.so so boring,This is what exams do to you.

And,how would I be expected to conjure up seemingly interesting anecdotes of my life when in honest,brutal reality, there is nothing going on with my life?Of course with the exception of Afiqah(who can by actual fact make every single gray day of my life turn a shade rainbowy) THAT'S RIGHT,EVEN WHEN I'M FRUSTRATED AT YOUR BLURNESS, BITCH

Mostly I think it's the computer screen.I can't seem to let my train of thoughts follow through when there is blank white page in front of me,spoiling my eyes and contributing to myopia -.-
Hurts my back,too. The computer is hindering my creative writing process!
I am so cut away from technology,I'll hardly survive if I don't do much about it.
(I have twitter :P)


Today I have ranted simply about nothing

Seven little numbers baby this could be a start

I feel like a traveling salesman even though I am a woman

Some songs go back in your memories ,go so far back,that a single line from it catapults you back in time.Amazing how memories are created, and etched so deeply in your mind.
It's beautiful.

There is no passion in this culling of things

Bring into your compromise, and among other things-aren't we all advocates to our own misery?

I get older by the day

This new blog layout is so frustrating to use. Ok, granted I decided to start writing in December,and then I lost interest only to start again,but ohmygod how time flies and how everything's changed.

Haha a lot has changed.

I can probably never post another rant about netball training,because I have long since stepped down.But I miss it.So badly.I'd die,just for that feeling again, the wind in your hair when you sprint,so hungry for the ball.The smell of sweat-mixed in with anticipation,the thirst for glory,that burning in your thighs, the glare of opponents,the screaming of the coach,the screech of rubber soles on wood- paved floor.I'd give whatever to relive that sensation.

I can't,I guess.I have too many things to do.

Well now that I am officially 16...well that's it. I'm just 16.I didn't feel any different that 2 May,that morning when I woke up strangely early.I didn't have that dramatic feeling of a a transformation from a fifteen year old to a sixteen year old.Guess some things don't change. I wanted to tell the world something cliche and expected like,oh hey I can finally watch NC16 movies. But that's a fib.I don't even watch movies. I am just 16 year old iiman :) Though, I never expected my birthday to be so widely celebrated this year.I've never had my Birthday remembered by so many people. Why are people so nice.

This year,(though it's already May),I've met certain special people,and I thank Allah for this blessing.
Who would have thought,from that day-one year and one month back,i saw this very person and promptly forgot about the latter,only to have that memory of this now current friend,pushed forth in it's almost reluctant prominance from the back of my mind,in such a way that when this person walked into that room that morning,I remembered this person. Who would have thought. And now look,we are such good friends. The most special of it's kind. I am so blessed.

But Afiqah is number one.

I have my O levels,omgggggggg. I was planning to start on my prelim study timetable next week,because I come home early after 4 hours straight of hardcore Mother Tongue. Apparently,teachers are kiasu as hell and  each one thinks their subject is the most important,so they very craftily slide in remedials and tests after the 4 hour sessions of hell, in total oblivion of  the fact that we would have just finished a mentally straining lesson.

As Afiqah,Nat&Sya would say, "Demi prelims, mah. After O levels kita celebrate"

And after O levels,celebrate we will.

Salam,
iiman