So december is here and going to be over as soon as you pull up your pants.
I'm just thinking-about this time last year i was running havoc with the netballers and doing our jumps and passes and working on our shooting and defending skills while showing off (heheh) and perspiring truckloads under the merciless blaze of the sun. So...as of now I don't know whether to be grateful that I don't have to go through all that muscle aching, hamstring pulling,finger spraining, ankle twisting torture again or... reminisce. Damn I really really miss netball. I miss being fit and I miss showing the others that I am able to prove myself for what I'm worth;aggressive, committed and determined.

I think i'm starting to miss the coach screaming at me to buck up and run harder, faster, jump higher. All those times when she made me stick it out and repeat the drills over and over until I perfected them while everyone had their water break and i hated her guts for it, then regretted joining netball, I miss. That sheer adrenaline rush I get before a match-I don't think anything could ever top that. All that shoving,elbowing brutally and cursing under the breath at the oppent, pissing them off, the grasping desperately for the ball  just to attain 3 seconds of self glory-I'd never feel that again.  Heck, i'll even miss the smell of my team-mate's sweat;mingled and sour. I'll miss the weirdest things.

Call me sentimental, but whatever, that's how I am I guess. I can't believe that 4 years ago on a whim I decided to try something different-something out of my comfort zone, hence netball. I'll never forget how I started off as the only muslim girl on the team and I could sense the hostility-everyone else thought I'd quit half way, I was never good enough.They thought I couldn't run as fast or jump as high or throw as hard as them  just because I looked different from them.They were right, I couldn't match up. But 6 months of dedication and hard work- all because of Ms Li who would drag me to a corner and make me repeat every drill until I was perfect- paid off.  Soon I was aggressive, bold, confident. I wasn't the best player, but i was definitely one of the best. I daresay I was an asset to the team, seeing since I never gave up and played Zonals for three years straight. I was never arrogant.

But I am thankful for every chance I was given. and If could play one last good match with my teammates, I'd do it. Unfortunately we're all broken up now, after me and the other sec 4s stood down for O's.

Sigh netball-will I ever find a replacement for the euphoria you give

my windows need cleaning okay

I need to get this phrase out of my head-
"The skin-tight splendour of the the blond bombshells"

All right now we can move on to more insignificant things.

I don't know why I  waited till today to start writing about Y.O.U.R NurNight at Al Mawaddah. which happened last sat/sun by the way and ehem my fav was the dude, Gene Sya Rudyn who looks like a character straight out of  a Roald Dahl book with his dapper look- long hair,scraggly beard,tiny frame and bouncing all over the place.But anyway, he was amazing. My mind is way too expired to go over all of what he said so apologies (sorry not sorry blah blah)I shall not analyze and intepret his insights (you see here I just used a string of literary devices hehe). But I went home feeling blessed and too tired to eat prata yada yada who cares nobody reads this muck anyway.
Aaaand lets's not forget Al Mawlid performing their qasidah and Ya Hanana. Man, the feeling macam woah-everybody chanting and singing and of course I was all alone standing awkwardly in a jubah while everybody gets to lean and cry on their friend's shoulder. Forever awkward in non-awkward situations.

The food was nice.

Ok so this morn I managed to catch up on my lack of prata and over prata and soya bean at some prata shop  and my brother was telling us about this ustazah who downgrades other religions and calls them stupid. So my brother was really enraged with her views and thus refused to do her homework. My brother is  a hell of  a role model. Only I don't think any of my ustazahs in al mawadz are like that so i shall do all my homework only they don't give homework. I am sounding like a ranting idiot.

It's december already weeeooooo nothing to do i need a job yes i doooo

darn aren't i hilarious

I was just thinking

Recently there has been this huge hype over the Israelis fighting the Palastines and yeah.
On twitter everybody has been retweeting -"Free Palestine" and "Pray For Gaza" and all that and I think, yes, it's all very well and good but the thing that's nigging me is that this has been going on for the LONGEST of times. It's been going on for years and years, this fighting and I wonder if people are actually aware of that.

Thanks to my mother who used to sit on the couch with us and tell us about the Israelis, the Zionists, and the fact that there is  no Israel.I knew all this a long time ago.  Starbucks and MacDonalds and Burger King and all that has been owned by the Zionists because they are filthy rich. It's been in our faces this whole time and nobody has bothered to acknowledge it until it starts trending on Twitter or people start sharing it on Facebook. Of course, we are in the face of ignorance, in this era of things.

Not to sound superior, but i sometimes wonder if people retweet and share all these just because everybody else is doing it. Just my thoughts.

I know people who have very strict principles. There are muslims who stoutly refuse to buy or eat anything belonging to the Zionists, such as the restaurant outlets i've mentioned. To be honest, that's pretty much near impossible since these Zionists own so many outlets. So now you're saying you're not giving them business? Heck,they've been feeding on our money all these years.
What they are doing are undeniably despicable. But what use would it be to go on hating and hating and claim,"Oh I SPIT on the Israelis" ? There is no use.
We are muslims and we keep it at that. We use this fighting to bond and appreciate.

Regrettably, lives are being lost, but Allah knows best. Surely Allah loves them.


An amazing read. Will tell you all there is to know

Well hello hello

So...
It's been eleven days after my O levels ended. Oh so sorry I didn't post a celebratory remark to ah, celebrate the end of O's blah blah blah

This is only week two of my rather unproductive holdiay. No jobs, no homework but plain boredom. It's STRESSFUL just thinking about it hahaha -.-

I wonder how my other friends are coping. I remember weeks before the exam, creatures with sunken cheeks, and eye bags on their eye bags on their eye bags staggered into class, drunken from hours of math and social studies and chemistry and physics and bio. You think that's bad? The jokes were scarier.
"Please straighten your desks, class!" The teacher would say
*straightens*
"It's not a parallelogram now!" Two of these creatures would exclaim, only to burst into fits of hoary giggles.

If you'd been in my class, you'd understand the squeamish torture I went through.

Anyway, O levels are overrr and this holiday cannot drag any slower i might die. I've been looking up old movies and immersing myself in more Meg&Dia, I swear they are year end traditions. i don't know anybody else who shares the same feeling I get listening to them;their interpretations of life are brilliant.

So far I've only hung out with the girls twice-followed Nat&Sya for prom dress shopping,not that i'm going, and watched videos at Afiq's house.

I also had some sort of Book Launch on Saturday, the seventeenth, and I missed my Mads Grads for that. It's sad. but whatever bananas are yolo

Tomorrow the Battle starts.

And it will determine my future.




















p.s (melodramatic much?haha)

Physics sucks

Ok,not really ah, but the practical sucked. So we had  one and a half  hours right, and I took about  1 hr to figure out physics, I had no bloody idea, i swear, no idea at all what they were asking.
It was only towards eleven  when i panicked a little, and it didn't help at all that the lab was extremely stuffy, I was fanning myself and trying to hint to the invigilator to switch on the stupid fan for goodness sake!

Thankfully I managed to hastily draw my graph and I must say, out of all the physics practicals I've  done, it was the best looking graph I had ever drawn, and it was nearly  perfect if I say  so myself, i got a rather beautiful best-fit line.
Then I had to rush on to chemistry with only 30 minutes left, i was so engrossed with underlining the key points that I almost shit a brick and really nearly gave up when the invigilator called out that we had 15 minutes left.I did everything literally in a hot mess, sweating balls and swearing ten fold in my head. My bench was strewn with acid,pipettes,sticks, damp litmus paper and  aluminium foil, i didn't know where to put my test tubes, i burnt the test tube holder and nearly spilled  hot acid on the invigilator who was standing in front of me, God knows for what, probably to tsk disapprovingly at my disastrously messy bench.
I didn't finish writing my conclusions, but so what, i always fail chem prac anyway. At least I have hope for physics. Some didn't even finish the graph, and that's like one third of the marks.

Then we were quarantined for three hours blah blah blah.

By the way, I finally graduated, but the feeling is neutral, shared mutual by my classmates since we still have to come back to school and all. And what we came back on Monday for Literature and all Mr Gazelles did was to read out the poem he'd given us last week, eh come on lah we can read the poem ourselves right -.-

Yes ok my olevels starts on monday and is spanning for three weeks, i know on the last week nobody's gonna study since it's only science mcq and for those retaking Mother tongue( like me) then yes we have to come back too.Somehow I don't feel as stressed as I think I should be, and the thought worries me. Waaaaah why can't I be stressed like the smart kids,
and why are you doing this

I WANT THIS TO END

I have a to-do list which I have yet to fulfill

Tomorrow is my o level prac, which i know, who cares, nobody does lol.

But next week-next week is the official start of my o level written papers.
My best friend reckons I don't have a reason to be worried at all,since I have a place in a poly already and all.In fact, everyone thinks that. Sigh. It doesn't go that way; earning a place still means I have to deserve my spot and prove that I want this enough to work hard, or even harder.

I am not a hard worker, I can tell you that. But I know enough to know that in these few days, it can mean my life will change. Everything is in my hands, only I can do this, with Allah's help.

I am so very grateful to Mr Tan w.b for not giving up on me once. We built a good rapport last year because I was in the school's netball team and all, and he'd ask me how our matches went (also because his wife is the Netball coach of North Vista's team, and used to be team-mates with my netball teacher)
I can tell you that for the two years that i've been taking physics, I have never passed. It was almost always an F9 or E8. Even when I dropped from Pure to Combined, I didn't improve much. The best I got was D7 for my prelim one this year. For my second prelim, I plunged two grades to a stupid, horrible F9. I was back to square one. I was the lowest in class whereas everybody else improved. Mr Tan indirectly hinted that "there are certain people who I think I cannot help anymore." I knew it was me.

But he talked to me. He said, " I'm not giving up on you, iiman. I have every believe that you have the potential to do so much better.Increase your intensity this time."
I did. For my mock paper 2,i got a B3. And it was a past year o level  paper. Can you believe it? I still can't.From an F9 to a B3. Because Mr Tan didn't give up on me.

Yesterday after my physics remedial in the morning, I was studying in the canteen with Afiqah. MrTan was going home in his car. When he drove past us, he rolled down the window, pointed to me and called out that I had improved tremendously. I couldn't stop smiling. He will probably be one of the few reasons I will come back to this  school as alumni.