This year I don't want people to remember my birthday. I don't want it to be some kind of obligation for people to go up and say "happy birthday" though they wouldn't mean it.

Besides, what is there to look forward to? This year I turn 18, which I am absolutely dreading. Being 17 wasn't anything significant to me, except for the fact that I liked the number rolling around in my mouth. 17...older and wiser than 16 but young enough to have fun before 18- a way too old age.
Apart from that, the fact that I age every year is pretty depressing. Every year I come closer to death, and the scariest thing of all is how I might not even live through my next birthday. Death is inevitable and so is the fact that I will never know when I'll die. I'm not prepared...I am so so far away from faith and far from being prepared.

I don't see a meaning to birthdays anymore. It used to mean a lot when many many people wished me happy birthday, made me feel important. But now I guess it only really matters when you get to spend the day you grow older with the ones you treasure the most. That is all that matters.