My weekend is spent trying to decipher the reasons behind all this pretending.

I latch on to a conjured up ideal only because I tell myself I deserve this to fulfill my emptiness. There is so much pretending, so much delusion, I don't even know how to be true to myself anymore.

I am open and delirious for a few days, then cold and avoiding the next. In both states I am untrue to myself. What am I.
An entity of nothingness. A hollow vessel.