.

Sometimes I think I'm lying to myself when I say that I don't need anyone to rely on...but it all seems complicated when I try to make sense of why exactly.

Lately I feel I have been adopting this rather arrogant, high headed attitude that just maybe, I don't need people...they need me. It's stupid, I know, and maybe I take it back. The way I see it now however, is that people parade their friends around like trophies, put in mentions, instagram pictures just to show the world they have this "amazing" best friend they cannot live without.
You don't have to call a friend and then tweet that you've been talking to her for 4 hours...it shows plain out that you're showing off. Why can't people just appreciate each other's presence and leave it at that. I find that there is more of a symbol of sincerity when you keep your friendship quiet and close to your heart.

Every day I feel like I'm being let down. I can't place what, but every day I am just disappointed by people. Every day I cling on to this notion that I should stop my reliance on people, halt all my expectations and make it clear to myself that every human relationship is a false attachment of which I  should disconnect myself from.

My patience with people never really never last. Maybe I'd  have this tendency to cleave to people who share so many similarities with me. Yet, the similarities themselves become odds and then start getting annoying because there will be a point where I want to stand out and not be likened to anybody else; the summit of my individuality should not be compared to another's.
I deserve this onslaught of loneliness I suppose, after all I've done and thought of people- made my judgement too quickly and aggressively dismissed their potential of being a good, trusting friend. The thing is, I really don't feel that I need anyone. I have to be true to myself and that is why these days I'm coming to terms with the fact that I enjoy the peace that solitary holds. Of course, it irritates me a little inside when people think that me being seen on my own means that I'm waiting for someone- I hate being looked at and having people think that I'm waiting desperately and pathetically for someone all by myself. I mean that's what it all comes down to in the end. People are so used to seeing hoards of giggly teenagers huddling together that a single individual is deemed queer.

I guess I have to start not caring.