The devil’s acts scratched into your skin; scald yourself with your own sins.

Suck his soul out through his chest; ink it out- kill his quest.

Stalks the hundred blackened souls

Digs a hundred hardened holes

Her mind in torture, her lack of amour

Fills her with fear- a ruptured shiver

Here he clutches a deadly dagger

Watches the prey with morbid hunger

His huge wings signed in grievant menace

Kills their passion, screams, “no grace, no grace.”

In his head, he feels misled.

The way he sees the world

"I've always wanted to tell her," he shrieks

"She used to be so beautiful!"

The sockets in his sad face leaks

Conjured up image in his head-dreadful

One last bloodcurdling cry
A signal of his goodbye

Before he stomps across the broken boat

Tilts her head and slits her throat.

You know what I think about the heart?

It has to be pulled apart

Because even within it

There is a window

It offsets everything, everything unshallow.

Your heart.

It is encased in a delicate glass jar

Everybody eyes it from a far

Everybody wants the key

To your heart.

Where do I start?

Your heart is not a cage.

Nor is it a musical box

Of which it has locks

Oh no

Everybody pretends to be gentle

You know what they truly are is detrimental

With all their fake analogies of being the key to you heart

Oh no

No, your heart is what it should be

The thing that holds it is

Burst into, pierced, cracked, pulled apart

Not with blatant violence, but with a fierce passion

Of someone ready to face the ugliness of the innards

Of

This glass jar.

What they will find is something

Soft.

Everything unraveled.

Like strings untangled.

Savaged just to open this jar.

Clawed into just to get through

You would realize that I have broken your jar

Allowed it to crack and shatter into 5 million pieces

Shards bouncing off the floor

Feet bleeding on the way to help

Yes, help

Bleeding feet on the way to your help

Dirty and impure, contaminated and corrupted
I just want to save your heart.

THE THING IS, NOBODY FRICKIN CARES ABOUT YOU.  NO ONE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO WHORE YOURSELF OUT THERE VYING FOR ATTENTION BECAUSE EVERYBODY IS TOO CAUGHT UP IN THEIR OWN PROBLEMS TO CARE ABOUT YOU. YOU'RE ALL ALONE IN THIS SCREWED UP PLACE IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY NOTICED. THERE IS NO ONE.

I'd run

I don’t know why I try so hard to convince myself that I’m perfectly fine with being on my own. There’s something in me that aches the more I try to re-plaster this mask, yet the more I tell myself, the more I crumble a little inside. In due time it will show on the outside and I dread having my face so readable that it makes me entirely transparent, my soul bared on my face; allowing my defenses to break down and thus  increasing my vulnerability.

In a previous post, I spoke with such strong dislike about people who are so dependent of each other to the point where  everything and everywhere they do and go , they feel the dire need to be accompanied. Maybe it’s envy, I don’t know, maybe just plain annoyance. But I somehow can’t help feeling this way.

I am so afraid to admit that I need people sometimes. I want to be known as a person who is entirely independent, and I realized that I’ve drifted a little away. I am lost. When I am with people, I tend to latch on way too tight, engulf myself in the protection of this companionship. When I am alone, I feel a sense of accomplishment that I’ve detached myself from false human attachments.

Then there is that empty abysmal feeling. Of which I feel among people and in my loneliness. I can’t shake it and it suffocates me. 

I don’t even know what I want.

.

Sometimes I think I'm lying to myself when I say that I don't need anyone to rely on...but it all seems complicated when I try to make sense of why exactly.

Lately I feel I have been adopting this rather arrogant, high headed attitude that just maybe, I don't need people...they need me. It's stupid, I know, and maybe I take it back. The way I see it now however, is that people parade their friends around like trophies, put in mentions, instagram pictures just to show the world they have this "amazing" best friend they cannot live without.
You don't have to call a friend and then tweet that you've been talking to her for 4 hours...it shows plain out that you're showing off. Why can't people just appreciate each other's presence and leave it at that. I find that there is more of a symbol of sincerity when you keep your friendship quiet and close to your heart.

Every day I feel like I'm being let down. I can't place what, but every day I am just disappointed by people. Every day I cling on to this notion that I should stop my reliance on people, halt all my expectations and make it clear to myself that every human relationship is a false attachment of which I  should disconnect myself from.

My patience with people never really never last. Maybe I'd  have this tendency to cleave to people who share so many similarities with me. Yet, the similarities themselves become odds and then start getting annoying because there will be a point where I want to stand out and not be likened to anybody else; the summit of my individuality should not be compared to another's.
I deserve this onslaught of loneliness I suppose, after all I've done and thought of people- made my judgement too quickly and aggressively dismissed their potential of being a good, trusting friend. The thing is, I really don't feel that I need anyone. I have to be true to myself and that is why these days I'm coming to terms with the fact that I enjoy the peace that solitary holds. Of course, it irritates me a little inside when people think that me being seen on my own means that I'm waiting for someone- I hate being looked at and having people think that I'm waiting desperately and pathetically for someone all by myself. I mean that's what it all comes down to in the end. People are so used to seeing hoards of giggly teenagers huddling together that a single individual is deemed queer.

I guess I have to start not caring.