Tomorrow the Battle starts.

And it will determine my future.




















p.s (melodramatic much?haha)

Physics sucks

Ok,not really ah, but the practical sucked. So we had  one and a half  hours right, and I took about  1 hr to figure out physics, I had no bloody idea, i swear, no idea at all what they were asking.
It was only towards eleven  when i panicked a little, and it didn't help at all that the lab was extremely stuffy, I was fanning myself and trying to hint to the invigilator to switch on the stupid fan for goodness sake!

Thankfully I managed to hastily draw my graph and I must say, out of all the physics practicals I've  done, it was the best looking graph I had ever drawn, and it was nearly  perfect if I say  so myself, i got a rather beautiful best-fit line.
Then I had to rush on to chemistry with only 30 minutes left, i was so engrossed with underlining the key points that I almost shit a brick and really nearly gave up when the invigilator called out that we had 15 minutes left.I did everything literally in a hot mess, sweating balls and swearing ten fold in my head. My bench was strewn with acid,pipettes,sticks, damp litmus paper and  aluminium foil, i didn't know where to put my test tubes, i burnt the test tube holder and nearly spilled  hot acid on the invigilator who was standing in front of me, God knows for what, probably to tsk disapprovingly at my disastrously messy bench.
I didn't finish writing my conclusions, but so what, i always fail chem prac anyway. At least I have hope for physics. Some didn't even finish the graph, and that's like one third of the marks.

Then we were quarantined for three hours blah blah blah.

By the way, I finally graduated, but the feeling is neutral, shared mutual by my classmates since we still have to come back to school and all. And what we came back on Monday for Literature and all Mr Gazelles did was to read out the poem he'd given us last week, eh come on lah we can read the poem ourselves right -.-

Yes ok my olevels starts on monday and is spanning for three weeks, i know on the last week nobody's gonna study since it's only science mcq and for those retaking Mother tongue( like me) then yes we have to come back too.Somehow I don't feel as stressed as I think I should be, and the thought worries me. Waaaaah why can't I be stressed like the smart kids,
and why are you doing this

I WANT THIS TO END

I have a to-do list which I have yet to fulfill

Tomorrow is my o level prac, which i know, who cares, nobody does lol.

But next week-next week is the official start of my o level written papers.
My best friend reckons I don't have a reason to be worried at all,since I have a place in a poly already and all.In fact, everyone thinks that. Sigh. It doesn't go that way; earning a place still means I have to deserve my spot and prove that I want this enough to work hard, or even harder.

I am not a hard worker, I can tell you that. But I know enough to know that in these few days, it can mean my life will change. Everything is in my hands, only I can do this, with Allah's help.

I am so very grateful to Mr Tan w.b for not giving up on me once. We built a good rapport last year because I was in the school's netball team and all, and he'd ask me how our matches went (also because his wife is the Netball coach of North Vista's team, and used to be team-mates with my netball teacher)
I can tell you that for the two years that i've been taking physics, I have never passed. It was almost always an F9 or E8. Even when I dropped from Pure to Combined, I didn't improve much. The best I got was D7 for my prelim one this year. For my second prelim, I plunged two grades to a stupid, horrible F9. I was back to square one. I was the lowest in class whereas everybody else improved. Mr Tan indirectly hinted that "there are certain people who I think I cannot help anymore." I knew it was me.

But he talked to me. He said, " I'm not giving up on you, iiman. I have every believe that you have the potential to do so much better.Increase your intensity this time."
I did. For my mock paper 2,i got a B3. And it was a past year o level  paper. Can you believe it? I still can't.From an F9 to a B3. Because Mr Tan didn't give up on me.

Yesterday after my physics remedial in the morning, I was studying in the canteen with Afiqah. MrTan was going home in his car. When he drove past us, he rolled down the window, pointed to me and called out that I had improved tremendously. I couldn't stop smiling. He will probably be one of the few reasons I will come back to this  school as alumni.